Therapy for Couples
“We are born in relationship, we are wounded in relationship, and we can heal in relationship.” Dr. Harville Hendrix
This sums up the potential beauty and the deep pain of intimate relationship. In our adult relationships, we experience hurts that touch into the most painful places inside ourselves. The parts of us that experienced: loneliness, abandonment, neglect, misunderstanding, judgement, and so much more, early in our lives get pressed on with our adult partners. These are of course painful experiences, and they also offer us opportunity to heal younger parts of ourselves.
This also doesn’t mean that what’s happening in your adult relationship isn’t real! Couples therapy often involves both partners giving attention to these tender parts of themselves, while also learning about the tender parts of their partner, and each partner learning about how they are impacting the other.
Conflict
Sometimes couples come to therapy when they find themselves stuck in the same repeating fights. In therapy, we’ll start to peel back the layers to more deeply understand what’s happening. Often times, fights seem like they are about one thing, but other feelings and conflicts are present underneath. Accessing these underneath layers brings more possibilities for communication and connection.
Disconnection
Maybe you and your partner aren’t stuck in fights, but you’re just feeling generally disconnected or afraid of having hard conversations. Couples therapy can help increase safety in your connection and increase skills around communication and connection.
Safety, Connection, Repair
While every couple is unique, safety, connection, and ability to repair are often what couples therapy moves toward. The safety to be vulnerable, to bring up a hard conversation, to provide feedback.
Connection where you enjoy each other again, have fun together, laugh, play, and experience intimacy.
And, because disconnection and conflict arises in even the best relationships, the ability to repair when hurt happens.
While couples therapy can be a journey, these rewards are so rich and life-giving, it is truly worth it!
FAQs
We haven’t been together very long, does couples therapy still make sense?
1
Yes! Coming to therapy sooner can help interrupt processes that are not working before they become more engrained.
We are contemplating break-up or divorce, is couples therapy worth it?
2
People often seek out couples therapy at the point where there is some ambivalence about whether or not it will work out to stay together. So yes, that can be part of the therapy process.
What can couples therapy help with?
3
Couples therapy can give you new tools for how to navigate conflict, increase communication skills, and help you feel more understood and connected to your partner.
Sometimes couples seek support around making major life decisions, navigating transitions, sexual challenges, or as preventative support in early stages of their relationship.
How long does couples therapy take?
4
I wish I could answer this! There is a lot of variation in how long couples stay in therapy, but often couples experience more understanding and some initial relief after 4-8 sessions, while deeper work will take longer.